Harry Potter and the Leopard-Walk-Up-to-Dragon

The New York Times has posted a series of summaries and excerpts from bootleg Chinese Harry Potter books. I can only assume that this is the sort of insane story we’re going to see more and more of over the next year as random reporters head to Beijing for the Olympics and have to find material for their daily reports. I could make all sorts of jokes on the topic, but I think nothing could do this subject justice aside from letting one of these remarkable books speak for itself:


Harry Potter and the Leopard-Walk-Up-to-Dragon

Summary: Harry becomes a fat, hairy dwarf after being caught in a “sour and sweet rain”; he loses all his magic and can get it back only by obtaining the magic ring. After he does, Harry becomes a dragon that fights evil. Voldemort has an even more powerful brother who makes trouble for Harry.

Excerpt: “Harry doesn’t know how long it will take to wash the sticky cake off his face. For a civilized young man, it is disgusting to have dirt on any part of his body. He lies in the elegant bathtub, keeps wiping his face, and thinks about Dudley’s face, which is as fat as Aunt Petunia’s bottom.”